There comes a moment when the room you once loved starts to feel smaller. The walls didn’t move, but something in you did. You sit where you always used to sit, surrounded by the same voices, the same streets, the same rhythm of days, and yet it all feels slightly offbeat. What used to feel alive now feels like a memory you’re still trying to live inside.
We don’t talk enough about the sadness of outgrowing something. A city that once made your heart race now just feels heavy. A friend group that used to fill your weekends suddenly drains you. Even a version of yourself that once felt right starts to feel like a costume you forgot to take off. Growth has a strange way of asking for things you didn’t know you’d have to give up.
Sometimes it looks like distance. Sometimes it looks like disinterest. You stop replying as fast. You stop saying yes to everything. You start craving silence, new conversations, new corners of the world. And you start to wonder when exactly the shift happened, when “home” started feeling like somewhere else.
Outgrowing doesn’t make you ungrateful. You can love something deeply and still need to leave it behind. The people who shaped you, the places that held you, the routines that once gave you comfort - they can all be good, and still be done. The truth is, most people will feel guilty for this. As if evolution means betrayal.
If you ever find yourself there, unsure whether to stay or move, here are a few things that might help you through:
First, notice before you react. Don’t label the discomfort too soon. Sometimes change is just restlessness passing through. But if it stays—if the air feels different every time you walk into the same room - then it’s worth listening to that feeling.
Second, when you do decide to move on, leave with softness. You don’t need to turn the page with fire. You can leave quietly, with gratitude. You can thank the season that raised you, and still walk toward the next one without looking back in anger.
Third, remember that loyalty doesn’t always mean staying. You can stay loyal to the people and places that made you who you are by continuing to grow beyond them. The best way to honor your past is to not stay trapped in it.
Fourth, make space again. The emptiness that follows leaving is uncomfortable, but it’s also the space where the next version of you begins. Instead of rushing to fill it, let it breathe. Curiosity loves empty rooms. That’s where new dreams start to echo.
Sometimes outgrowing looks like peace. You’ll wake up one day and realize you don’t miss what you left behind. You’ll walk into a new space and feel something click, like your soul finally has room to stretch again.
There’s no ceremony for these moments. No applause when you quietly outgrow an old life. But that doesn’t make the moment any less sacred. Growth rarely looks like fireworks. Most of the time, it’s a soft exhale.
If you’re reading this while standing in a room that no longer fits, I hope you know this: you haven’t done anything wrong. You’ve simply become someone new. And that’s something to be proud of.
Because one day, you’ll look back and realize the room didn’t shrink at all. You just grew tall enough to reach the light outside the window.
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This week’s wallpaper
See you on the next stair,
Alastair