The Lost Art of Having Your Own Opinions

You're scrolling and see a headline about some new policy or controversy or whatever. And before you even read past the headline, you already know what you think about it.

Not because you analyzed it. You just know. Because you know what people like you are supposed to think about things like this.

If you're into tech and startups, you know you're supposed to think regulation is bad and innovation is always good. If you care about social issues, you know you're supposed to think corporations are the problem and systemic change is the answer. If you're skeptical of mainstream narratives, you already know this is probably overblown or manipulated somehow.

You didn't think about it. You didn't need to. Your identity already decided for you.

Opinions used to come from thinking about stuff. You'd encounter information, process it, form a view. Sometimes you'd change your mind. Sometimes you'd be unsure.

Now? Your identity comes first. The opinions follow automatically.

You're not progressive because you thought through a bunch of issues and landed on progressive conclusions. You identified as progressive, and then adopted whatever progressive people are supposed to believe. Same thing on the other side. Same thing with any group.

And the internet made this worse because now every opinion is a public performance.

So when a new topic comes up, you don't ask "what do I actually think about this?" You ask "what does my side think about this?" And then you perform that opinion, even if you've never thought about it for more than thirty seconds.

Someone announces a new tech product. If you're in the tech world, you already know you're supposed to be excited about it, talk about how it's going to change everything, dismiss anyone who's skeptical.

There's some new study about productivity or health or whatever. If you're into optimization culture, you already know you're supposed to share it, add it to your routine, talk about how everyone should be doing this.

There's political news. You already know what you think before you even know the details. Because your team has a position, and your job is to defend it.

None of this requires thinking. It's automated. Your identity is the input, your opinion is the output. The middle part where you actually think doesn't happen anymore.

You ever notice how people get immediately defensive when you question their opinion?

That's because you're not questioning their opinion. You're questioning their identity.

If someone asks "why do you think that?" and your first instinct is to get defensive or assume they're attacking you, that's a sign. It means you never actually formed that opinion yourself. You just adopted it.

Real opinions can be questioned without you falling apart. Because you know why you think what you think. You considered other perspectives. You can explain your reasoning.

But borrowed opinions can't handle scrutiny. Because there's nothing underneath them except "this is what people like me believe."

Social media turned opinions into performance art. You're not sharing what you think. You're performing your identity for an audience.

And once you've performed an opinion publicly, changing your mind feels impossible. Because it's not just admitting you were wrong about one thing. It feels like admitting your entire identity was wrong.

So people double down. They defend positions they don't even care about that much because backing down feels like losing face. Like betraying their tribe.

You can't think clearly when every opinion is a public performance. You can't change your mind when changing your mind feels like social suicide.

When you let your identity decide your opinions for you, you stop being a person who thinks. You become a content aggregator. A walking representation of your tribe's talking points.

You lose the ability to have real conversations. Because you're not actually engaging with ideas anymore. You're just performing your role.

You lose intellectual honesty. Because you're not trying to figure out what's true. You're trying to defend your team's position, even when it doesn't make sense.

And worst of all, you lose the ability to surprise yourself. To think something you didn't expect to think. To change your mind. To be wrong. To learn.

Here's the test: can you say what would change your mind? If your answer is "nothing could change my mind," that's not an opinion. That's dogma.

Another test: do you get defensive when someone questions you? If someone asking "why do you think that?" feels like an attack, it's probably because you never actually thought about it.

Real opinions don't feel fragile. You can discuss them. You can be curious about other perspectives. You can change your mind without feeling like you lost something.

The thing about actually thinking for yourself is it means sometimes you'll disagree with your tribe. And that's uncomfortable.

Maybe you're generally progressive but you think some progressive takes are actually wrong. Maybe you're into hustle culture but you think some of it is toxic. Maybe you align with one group on most things but disagree on one specific issue.

And the second you voice that, people don't know what to do with you. You're supposed to fit into a category. When you don't, it makes everyone uncomfortable.

But that's how you know you're actually thinking. If you never disagree with your side, you're just repeating what they say.

Real opinions are messy. Sometimes they contradict each other. Sometimes they change. Sometimes the answer is just "I don't know" or "it depends."

That's what makes them yours.

You don't need to have an opinion on everything. You don't need to instantly react to every piece of news. You don't need to signal your position on every controversy.

You can just think. Actually think. Take time. Consider different perspectives. Change your mind. Say "I don't know."

The internet wants you to pick a side and defend it forever. But you don't have to play that game. You can opt out of the performance and start actually thinking about what you believe and why.

It's uncomfortable. It's lonely sometimes. But it's the only way to have opinions that are actually yours.

To everyone who's been clicking the ads: THANK YOU. That's what keeps this newsletter running. Appreciate the support<3

AI skills aren’t optional—they’re essential. Earn a Master of Science in AI, delivered by the Udacity Institute of AI and Technology and awarded by Woolf, an accredited institution. During Black Friday, lock in savings to earn this degree for under $2,500. Build deep AI, ML, and generative expertise with real projects that prove your skills. Take advantage of the most affordable path to career-advancing graduate training.

Learn More

See you on the next stair,
Alastair